Why Don’t I Naturally Have Self-Esteem?

Who you spend your time with is who you become. You’ve probably been around parents, teachers, or friends that don’t have self-esteem and have influenced your thinking. This is because the western model of achievement is focused on power and control and makes for weak coping skills. We’ve been taught to worry about what others think of us and strive to please those that we want to be in good favor of. We end up thinking that we ourselves are less deserving and important than those around us, and therefore, less lovable. This happens because we try to love others unselfishly – in an effort to know what they need and to take care of those needs – and expect the same in return. We then, expect our needs to be met by others that love us. This just doesn’t work.

On top of that, we’re taught from a young age that loving ourselves and taking care of our own needs is selfish or narcissistic and we’ll be unpleasant for others to be around. This fear of individuality has led to many social problems and is still active today.

If you cannot love yourself, how will you believe that you are worthy of being loved? If your self-esteem is so focused on others, how will you ever feel complete and loved within yourself? You can’t be at your best if you’re feeling bad. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you’ll never live up to your full potential. When we expect others to love us and take care of our needs without taking care of ourselves in the process, we are placing an expectation on them that they simply cannot meet. No one is going to be able to know what we need like we do. No one is ever going to be able to love us like we’d like to be loved.

Photo by Chinmay Singh from Pexels

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