Because it’s not working for you. We don’t seek to change our lives when things are working for us. We want to change when things are going wrong. The problem with basing our self-esteem off of external factors is that it tends to work for a little while. When it stops working, we think something is wrong with us. We wonder why we can’t just “snap out of it.” When we’re feeling good about ourselves and our lives, this question doesn’t come to mind.
Another common question asked during this time is “why haven’t I wanted to change until now?” Everyone has to come to this on their own. This is called the emotional threshold. It occurs when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing. One example of this is when we try to change our eating habits. When we first start, the pain of not having our favorite foods is always on our minds, but once we get some momentum, the pain of gaining weight back or going back to how we used to feel now outweighs our favorite foods. Pain is our best motivation to change.
You can learn to associate pain to the behaviors you want to change, but accept and love yourself if it is not yet your time to change. If you’re ready to change, know that it will be difficult and there will be setbacks. You must be ready to let go of the way you’ve done things in the past because they are no longer working for you. The uncertainty that comes along with this can also be difficult, but it leads to growth. There is nothing wrong with you because you want to change.
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